Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just A Rat In A Cage

Sun-Tzu said “All warfare is based on deception. There is no place where espionage is not used.” There is no safe place in the war of man vs. beast. For those of you who are squeamish skip to the next blog. For those who are brave…I salute you. It was not long ago…maybe a few nights ago, that my most vicious battle was fought. After a cross training effort playing softball in the North Meadow I traveled to the 97th street exit on the west side. Along with my soldiers in arm, we approached the gates. On any ordinary day, those gates are guarded. But on this hazy evening there was a guerrilla attack, defying the rules of man vs animal. (Have you noticed that pigeons no longer respect Man’s way and fly awfully close to you…they must be learning from the rude birds in Europe. I though we had an arrangement with such animals?)

As I led my battalion out of the gate, I heard movement beneath me. As on any normal day I figured it to be a dog. I felt the enemy rub against my ankles and looked down and jumped….Splinter had attacked. I jumped up and stepped right on the rat and it took off in fear. As the Art of War states: “Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win” Splinter had no idea who he was up against - I am coming after you now!

But let us revisit just how gross this assault was. Recall, I have seen almost every animal in the world, have been in contact or within steps of many, yet this enormous wild rat, which clearly was on steroids, was the grossest and scariest of them all. The sheer thought of the rat hairs around my ankle causes acid reflux. My not so brave soldiers lacked the courage to wart off the beast of a rat and jumped like girls and headed for the trenches. But good thing Im in training b/c my kung fu reflexes scared the enemy attacker off. But splinter left scars – no physical blemishes but a mighty fear that the rat community will return for vengeance like Bruce Willis in Die Hard. This seriously affects my runs, as when the clock strikes 9, and the moon glows in full force, and the dark settles in, a rat can come from any corner on the bridal path, or anywhere in this city!

Why couldn’t it have been a cool animal. Like a hawk. Or maybe some game like a gorilla or a human being that would get you jacked.

I luckily went unscathed, no bite marks or slashes (thank gd) just mental scars.

These rats defied the man vs. beast agreement like the squirrel with George Costanza!

Thankfully two brave nurses in the battalion provided comfort and in depth scrutiny to see if the rat punctured my skin. Thank you first sergeant Rachel Brach and Randi Greenberg

Training was light early in the week due to the fact that I was scrubbing may ankle for days with soap and antibacterial but I pulled through at weeks end. To reward myself I ordered 3 deserts…oh boy this is getting interesting.

Stay Tuned…..

Thanks for your support!